tinhuvielartanis | Entries tagged with therapist

I talked to my counselor Rosa about Llew today. It took me a good twenty minutes of our hour together to get out the whole sad story of 2008, and how I believe he killed himself. I told her that, whilst I didn't grieve over his loss as I might would have had he not been a prat and went missing in 2005, I still felt a pang of guilt that I would not let him come back to the house after he'd exhausted all his avenues in Pennsylvania. Rosa gave me some perspective on the whole megillah, stressing that the guilt about this situation should go with Llew because what he did, if he did indeed commit suicide, was a spiteful and childish act, especially how he went about it (emailing me on Christmas Eve). She also gave me some exercises to use when my mind begins to wonder in those dark places regarding Llew's death. For the first time, I left our therapy session feeling better than when I walked in. I don't go back to see Rosa for a month. Progress!

Current Mood: good
Current Location: home
Current Music: Waterboys - Glastonbury Song

My therapist tried to push me into talking about the main character in my book as an extension of myself, a sort of animus, or an expression of aspects of my personality. I clammed up. Cadmus is a murderer, rapist, and cannibal. I claim him as my demon child, but I think it's going a bit far to see him as me in written form. Sure there are aspects of me there, just as there are aspects of other people I know. That's the way all the characters in The Vampire Relics are. I'm not sure I'm very comfortable with where Rosa was trying to go with this. She keeps telling me I'm a difficult case, that I fit (partially) into maybe one half of a percent of the population, so I can understand her grasping at straws and trying to get an idea of how to treat me.

A psychic pretty much said the same thing when he couldn't "read" me. He said I had massive walls that blocked everyone out. I don't see it. My life is pretty much an open book. Hell, I write most everything down here on the Cliffs. He didn't try to prod into Cadmus' dark world though. I hope Rosa doesn't push the Cadmus issue because I really don't want to tell her about him. If she's that curious, I'll let her read The Chalice when it comes out. Otherwise, just leave me alone.

Current Mood: frustrated
Current Location: home
Current Music: Level 42 - Something about You

It's hotter than Hell here, so I'm writing this from Hell...just like good ole Jack. I'm gonna do this in bullets 'cos I left my knives on Cleveland Street.

Counselor: The session went well today. It was shorter than normal 'cos I had other stuff that needed doing and Rosa was getting over an inner ear infection that had affected her throat and, therefore, her voice. We talked about my dreams. It was interesting having someone interpret my dreams instead of doing the interpreting myself (not that I've done that in a while). She was unsurprised by the dream I had where I hit a pedestrian then cut my own throat with some of the glass from my car when I saw what I'd done. She said creative types often have bloody dreams. Groovy. I don't go back to see her until the 29th of this month. I'd been going every week, so I must be doing something right.

Aunt Tudi's doctors appointments were SNAFUs as usual. Her health is all fucked up and they aren't certain what to do. One doctor did nothing and, when she asked what she was supposed to do, his nurse suggested she contact a different doctor in the interim, as this doctor was going to be out of town for the next two weeks. Vacations must be nice.

Wal-Mart was insane. School is out, so the entire store rang with the screams, cries, and incoherent babbling of the ~~damned~~ little chil'ren. By the time we got out of there, I was screaming, crying, and babbling incoherently. When I got out to the car, I couldn't help noticing the vehicle next to me. The tires were so slick, the tread was screen-printed on them. Really, folks? Really? Why even buy gas? Just put your car in gear and slide everywhere. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.

I'm home now. I'm in pain and crazed from lack of sleep. I doubt I'll nap, but I'll think about it at length.

The end.

Current Mood: cranky
Current Location: home, thank god!
Current Music: Shriekback - Pointless Rivers

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The Cliffs of Insanity

Entries tagged with therapist

Assigning of Guilt

Cadmus in Therapy

From Hell

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October 2016

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