The Cliffs of Insanity

LOST...............................



On that line of thought, I am feeling the tremours of a crush on Mr. Eko. It could just be raw, humid lust.... but it may also be that inspirational feeling and may very well breed some nice fanfics if allowed to develop!

I need a Mr. Eko icon now, preferably using a screen cap of when he licks the tip of that knife. That was hot as hell.

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Got back from Llew's at 8:45. We had an interesting chat while I was over there. It's now officially been a year since he jumped headlong onto my People Who Need to Be Maimed because They Fucked around with Tin's Feelings and Made Her Cry against Her Will list. He realises that I haven't quite gotten past that. Maybe I will someday. Maybe I won't. Either way, Llew and I have created a history with one another. There's no denying that I love him and will always do so. He feels the same about me. You can't help but love someone who's been in your life in an affectionate capacity for almost five years. But love can be transformed from one incarnation to another, as everyone knows. Llew acknowledged that, for months, we've been more like friends with benefits than persons engaged in a love affair. I did not argue with his summation, but I would have been lying if I had. It doesn't change the fact that I still love him and I know he loves me. I'm cool with that for now.

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I have shaved....my.....legs! This is a monumental day in my life. I'll have another similar day sometime before Summer. I am Earth Woman and protest depilatory tactics! Let me run free and hairy, So Say We All!

At least, now, Dr. Yost won't have to make a part down my thigh and shin bone just to see a little bit of flesh on my kneecap. When you can corn row the hair on your legs, as a Western Woman, you are obligated to take certain measures. I guess that means I'm from the East 'cos I could don a pair of hooves and run around nekkid, and people would think I'm Pan. (IO IO PAN!)

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In answer to green_goblin70, I really don't know. I think you kinda blew it the first go 'round. You both wanted different things and, at that time, neither of you were willing to compromise. So.... I'd just forget about it.

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Aunt Tudi is pitching a special kind of hissy for us to go to the flea market on Sunday to sell. If we do go, we'll be at the White Horse Road market because I hate TABS and we don't do very well there. We've accrued so much stuff, a lot of it courtesy of the Father Unit, that our house looks like we're in the process of either packing or unpacking. It's driving me crazy now too, and that's saying a lot 'cos I can tolerate clutter like nobody's business. My room in the castle would be the mad old wizard's chamber piled high with books and dust, with mucho paperwork strewn about the cobble floor. So, anyway, Aunt Tudi wants to get rid of a bunch of this stuff and I think I've put her off for as long as I can. She's been wanting to do this since June and I've always had a brilliant reason why we couldn't go. I've run out of reasons and she's run out of patience.

I can't stand the flea market, any flea market (or car boot for you lovely folks of the British persuasion....I was educated in Brit slang by the wonderful Miss _willowmyst. Our flea markets are always drowned in the cacophonous miasma of Ranchero music, Country and Country Gospel, and the occasional dash of Southern Rock (perhaps a pinch of Lynyrd Skynrd or maybe even some Allman Brothers). Everyone is walking around sucking on nasty, slimy boiled peanuts or chewing on tuhbackee. They approach our table and paw everything on it without really buying anything, or they'll try to "Jew me down" (actual words said to me in jest by some overall-wearing, snuff-sucking, toothless, googly-eyed hick) so they can take it over to their table and sell it for twice as much. I HATE the flea market. If I can't find a way out of it, Aunt Tudi and I will be at the flea market Sunday morning. I'll take the laptop along with me in order to document the horrors of my environment, right down to the beer can windchimes.

The only occult shop that I know of in the area is just a hop and skip from the flea market, so I may spend a bit of my time at The Dragon's Treasure poking around to see what's new. I haven't been over there in almost two years! I could use some more candles and maybe even some nice incense. I'd also like to catch up on what decent books are out there now. I may even pick up a copy of the Witches' Almanac as I haven't gotten one in ages and I'd like to see where the larger community's collective mind is at now. Oh, and I'd like to check the message board and try to deduce what groups are still active in the area, just for curiosity's sake.

Sometimes though.....I have that flicker of desire to partake in a group ritual. Then I think of all the New Age Fluffy Bunnies, rebellious teenage Christians playing at Witchery, and general all-round psychos who comprise the majority of the Pagan community out there (that I know of, that is. I could be wrong here and I'd love to be!) and I decide to remain solitary so as to better nurture my Inner Sith and my Alpaca Liptic vision. On certain levels, I know I'm being selfish here because I'd rather be on my own and do as I please in my own way than work in a group who's motivations, skills, or inspirations seem inferior to me. I freely admit that, often, I can be a terrible religion snob. I once observed to some fellow Wiccans that I sometimes worried that I was a Fundamentalist Pagan. Things have to be done my way or I'm unsatisfied. That's not behaviour that benefits others. It's best I keep it to myself. My Way is just as flawed as anyone else's, I've come to understand. But it works for me.

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They're having a news story about the billboard I took a pic of the other day. The reporter stated that local gays and lesbians are not happy with the message the ministry is trying to communicate. Well, big fucking woo! As long as any of us do nothing but whine and bitch about our country being sucked into that gigantic black hole of stupidity, nothing will change. And I'm including myself in all this. I could do more to try to stop our souped-up handbasket in which we are all travelling. The "executive director" of Truth Ministry just said that homosexuality is much like drug addiction or alcoholism and that, with the correct therapy and with accepting Christ in your heart, you can overcome your homosexuality and be healed of its dastardly effects. What the fuck ever. Offended people should take up sticks and other weapons and take to the streets. The more I see the passive-aggressive behaviour of the people in power and the tactics they use to nurture hate and intolerance, the more I want to bust heads open like ripe melons. I'm tired of being a ninny and I'm tired of others being ninnies. Time to rumble.

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I've run out of things to bitch about. This post is now over.

On the news this morning was a story about how a local couple were stopped by a volunteer deputy for driving a car with expired tags. It turned out that the man also had a suspended license and no proof of insurance. Hot holy fuck! On their bumper, they had some provocative stickers that tipped the deputy off to the fact that these two individuals were not Christians. Sure 'nuff, they aren't. They claim to be Druids. So the deputy proceeds to send them a greeting card a couple of days later, imploring them to become Baptists and seek out the One True God. He's now on suspension pending an investigation.

What he did was wrong, yes. It's also typical, especially for dunderheads in this area. But that's not my main beef.

At the end of the news story, the reporter proceeds to explain what Druidism is all about, citing that Druids followed a code of honesty, integrity, yada yada yada. Now, if this couple were practicing what they say they follow, why in the hell were they on the road driving an essentially illegal vehicle without the proper documentation to allow them to drive any vehicle, legal or not? That just makes everyone in the Pagan community look bad, like a horde of hypocrites. "Oh we believe in truth, justice, and the Pagan Way! ....but we're gonna try to slip around every law as much as we can 'cos we're really just a pack of irresponsible poopheads." I've seen it all too often.

Why do so many Pagans insist on not following the Laws of the Land? I've heard the arguments before, that these laws were instituted by The Man, who has complete disregard for the welfare of the Pagan or the Old Ways. What a load of crap! How is not paying your taxes or driving without insurance doing anything to keep the Old Ways alive and untouched by The Man? Far too many people use their religion as an excuse to behave like idiots while all the time pointing the finger at "mainstream" religions and accusing their followers of doing the exact same thing.

I have always contended that, if you want to bring respect to the Pagan Community (or any community), you must lead by example. Be an upstanding citizen, work within the system, and maintain your life path. Make people see that not every Pagan is a loincloth-wearing, pot-smoking, unwashed hippie throwback with no respect for the law.

Todd and I had many a conversation/debate about this when we were still both very passionate about that in which we believed. Now, we're middle-aged cynics who believe in our middle fingers more than anything else. I brought up what I thought was a good example of how people should not look for respect, and I think the argument holds up today.

Gay Rights parades.....I'm a huge proponent of Gay Rights. I believe that everyone should be treated equally with respect and honour in our society, be they Gay, white, black, Christian, Pagan, Muslim, Amish ~ whatever. But no one...no one is going to have any respect for someone parading down the street with pink feathers sticking out of his arse singing "I'm here and I'm queer!" That's not a way to win friends and be popular in school. Lead by example. Work within the system. Show the mindless herds that make up the majority of the American population that you are an irreplaceable asset to our society and that you are Gay!

Yeah, our society and our system suck. But old habits are hard to break and no one is going to break those habits by breaking the law or trying to turn themselves into Big Bird for a parade. It has to be done from the inside out. The only thing people like these Druids are doing is forcing those who've tried to make steps forward take a few steps back to regroup and do damage control.

Mind you, I'm far from perfect. I went through a period of time when I didn't look or behave "normal." I was loud and proud and stupid. I'm still proud, not so loud, and I'm working on the stupid. I've learned and seen enough to know that, despite the positive report on Druidry in this news story, the Druids in question completely fucked up by their example. I'm disappointed, but not surprised.