![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
What's the Point
Jun. 17th, 2016 10:21 pmYou know, the time before last (which was three days ago out of desperation from migraine pain), when I seriously tried to commit suicide, within a week of getting to the house, I was offered a stay in England and in Australia. When I was in serious danger of losing the place Smidgen and I live, I was offered a place to live, at least for Smidgen, which is my first priorty.
All this started in 2014.
I have gone nowhere and still have no home for Smidgen.
This is why I have trust issues with people. They will say anything if it makes them think they will with either help and things will get better or I will choose to live.
The hopelessness of my chronic pain only seems to get worse with every passing day. I live in isolation in this room in a house with people who hate me.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B009028QSC/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
The harness is easily prepared for idiots like me who never learned how to tie a knot. It'll be fast and no one will notice. I'll be taking Smidgen with me, since no one wants her.
When will this happen? I don't know. Probably on the spur of the moment, when I have enough money to get to the park. Sometime in July, probably. All I know is that I'm sick of the exasperation I receive when I have to go anywhere, even the doctor. I'm tired of being treated like a criminal because of the illnesses I have. I'm tired of being tired and not being able to sleep. And I'm tired of being placated to just to keep me alive, when no one really wants me alive. It's a reflex. What's the point in living when there is no one and nothing to live for? I'd rather just have honesty and be told that, yes, I am a throaway who was only ever loved by Aunt Tudi.
She's dead now. What's the point of anything? I am constantly in pain, these migraines are getting more frequent, no hospital or doctor but Sharp will give me any relief, there's no point in continuing like this.
