Motivation and other Alien Concepts
Apr. 3rd, 2011 09:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tinhuvielartanisI have had zero motivation to do anything in the past week or so. I think it has a lot to do with my disability hearing in front of the judge this past Monday. The lawyer didn't seem very confidant after the almost 2-hour ordeal. If the judge rules against me, then the lawyer says he will appeal, but it will be an uphill battle from there. So, great. I've had thoughts of suicide because I can't continue to be a burden on Aunt Tudi and I can't find work that I am physically or mentally able to do. What am I supposed to do? I'm a useless person and would be better off dead. So that's where my thoughts have been lingering and keeping me from writing.
On Facebook, I was befriended by Tom Hardy. I'm pretty sure it's not the real Tom Hardy, but you just never know about things like this. I have a perfect example: my relationship with Barry Andrews, which began online with doubts about who he really was until I spoke with him on the telephone. Shortly after I was befriended by "Tom," someone posted a link to a clip from Sergeant Slaughter: My Big Brother, where Tom Hardy is naked ~ full frontal. I was horrified. Of course, I didn't click the link because I never wanted to see Tom Hardy naked. He's aligned with the character of Cadmus Pariah. There's a fair amount of modesty that surrounds that affiliation. Shortly after the link was posted, "Tom Hardy" poked me. Gawd. No. I backed far away from the embarrassing situation and began to lurk on FB, claiming to be Woefully Horrified. Which I was. I still am. And why? I opened a link in an email from a friend and it led me to that movie clip, so I accidentally saw it anyway. I've been pouring bleach on my eyes ever since.
I had a long bout with insomnia and migraines. My mind raced with snippets of songs and commercial jingles until my head began to burst with pain. This lasted over a week, and it caused me to experience Space Madness while I was up during the day. My Lyrica prescription finally arrived and I was then able to sleep without being plagued by a racing mind. I slept over nine hours last night. 'Twas glorious!
Tomorrow, I'm going to force myself to open up my The Harming Tree file, and write at least 1000 words. Cadmus shadows my every move on a psychic level. B has felt it too. After over 10 years of this happening, I wasn't surprised when it happened today. I was speaking of Cadmus to Aunt Tudi earlier today and I immediately got an email from B. I can't count how many times this has happened, as it is innumerable. So yeah, I need to feed the demon so he'll quieten down. B was needing the jpegs of his Vile Homunculus. He said the creature had work to do. Seems his own demon demands feeding too.
On Facebook, I was befriended by Tom Hardy. I'm pretty sure it's not the real Tom Hardy, but you just never know about things like this. I have a perfect example: my relationship with Barry Andrews, which began online with doubts about who he really was until I spoke with him on the telephone. Shortly after I was befriended by "Tom," someone posted a link to a clip from Sergeant Slaughter: My Big Brother, where Tom Hardy is naked ~ full frontal. I was horrified. Of course, I didn't click the link because I never wanted to see Tom Hardy naked. He's aligned with the character of Cadmus Pariah. There's a fair amount of modesty that surrounds that affiliation. Shortly after the link was posted, "Tom Hardy" poked me. Gawd. No. I backed far away from the embarrassing situation and began to lurk on FB, claiming to be Woefully Horrified. Which I was. I still am. And why? I opened a link in an email from a friend and it led me to that movie clip, so I accidentally saw it anyway. I've been pouring bleach on my eyes ever since.
I had a long bout with insomnia and migraines. My mind raced with snippets of songs and commercial jingles until my head began to burst with pain. This lasted over a week, and it caused me to experience Space Madness while I was up during the day. My Lyrica prescription finally arrived and I was then able to sleep without being plagued by a racing mind. I slept over nine hours last night. 'Twas glorious!
Tomorrow, I'm going to force myself to open up my The Harming Tree file, and write at least 1000 words. Cadmus shadows my every move on a psychic level. B has felt it too. After over 10 years of this happening, I wasn't surprised when it happened today. I was speaking of Cadmus to Aunt Tudi earlier today and I immediately got an email from B. I can't count how many times this has happened, as it is innumerable. So yeah, I need to feed the demon so he'll quieten down. B was needing the jpegs of his Vile Homunculus. He said the creature had work to do. Seems his own demon demands feeding too.
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Date: 2011-04-04 10:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-06 02:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-06 06:58 pm (UTC)And yes, you have to keep going, because this appeal system is obviously some twisted sadistic plot to stop people from getting the disability allowances they deserve -- so you have to put that Sith head on and defeat them!