All this is happening to me because...

Okay okay okay, if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all!

Here's the scenario. ::does her best Sophia Petrillo voice and says:: PICTURE IT! The parking lot of Sally Foster. 4:35 PM. A young Sicilian girl pulls into the parking lot.....okay, I'm busted! I'm not a young Sicilian girl. I'm a middle-aged American woman. But the rest is true, so this must make me a Liberal! If I were a Republican, I would have said that what I'm about to tell you took place in the Hamptons twenty-five years ago during the glory days of Ronald Reagan when there'd be no such thing as an African American running for the, GAWD FORBIYUD, office of the Presifink of the United States of Ameriduh! But I'm not that much of a dirty, rotten, stinking, underhanded, yellow-bellied liar.

So, anyway, Sally Foster, 4:35 PM... I parked my car and stepped out. As I hoisted my person onto my bad knee (do you see where this is going??), I hear a *click* and then my leg bones turned in a manner not conducive to leg-bone turning. Yeah, it hurt. But I hobbled on in and did my job to the sound of my leg bones and knee joint doing their own version of the Country Bears Jamboree right there in my pants. But, by the time 9 PM rolled around, I needed to be, in a wheelchair. I called Aunt Tudi and asked if she wanted to join me in another lovely sojourn at the Spartanburg Regional ER. Filled with glee at the prospects, she threw on her duds and, thirty minutes later, we were underway. Three hours (which ain't too shabby when it comes to the ER) and a couple of X-rays later, Dr. René Auberjoinois came in and asked how I was doing, he was doing great, but he had knees! His words. He then proceeded to tell me that I have no cartilage on the inside portion of my knee joint. It's just bone on bone grinding around in there. He put me in a knee immobilizer and on crutches for two weeks, and he ordered me off my feet (my Dollar General job) for a week. Yee... So I get to call Tami later on this morning with the smashing news that not only will I not be in this morning, but I won't be in for a week! And, when I do go back, I'll have to sit down because I can't stand on crutches for three to four hours straight, depending on when she let's me take my break! So, my job there is pretty much knackered, because I can't count the hopeful applicants to whom I gave applications just yesterday on my fingers and toes on account of I'd run out of digits. And the job at Sally Foster ends at the end of November which means I'll be totally out of work!

But. There's a reason for everything and as I was pulling out of my friendly neighbourhood Walgreens clutching all five of my pain pills (you read that right. five.) to my depressed bust at 2 AM in the morning, Aunt Tudi spotted that reason.

( and here it is, by god )

Why not have a gander at that fashion-crashing knee immobilizer?



And, with that, I'm a dead woman.

A Decision

It can't get much worse. Well, it can and it will without the proper care and treatment, which I can't give and I'm not getting, but that's neither here nor there at the mo. So I've decided that I'm continuing to work the DG job until I'm able able to see the rheumatologist next month. He's the best in the area, being a teaching doctor, and he takes this crap insurance that Dollar General provides for their employees. This may set me on the road to getting disability since it's obvious I can't do what I'm doing and I can't find work doing what I'd been doing. If I'm scheduled, my next day to work is Saturday. Maybe, by then, I can put some weight on my knee and go about business as usual.

The Bluetooth Conspiracy

Bluetooth technology was invented by a crazy person. Smart? Sure! But crazy, too. Most crazy people are smart anyway, so it doesn't surprise me one bit that one of them would invent such an insidious device such as the Bluetooth.

Point in case: Monday, at the dollar store, I caught myself in one after another social gaffes when I would respond to a person whom was not talking to me. After a while, I just stood back to watch and listen. At one point, the store was full of people walking around seemingly talking to themselves. Now, this isn't too unusual on any given day at the dollar store, but it put me onto something. What's the best way to disguise someone who is walking around talking to himself than to ensure that everyone around him is doing the same thing?

A-HA! The voice in my head said, and an instant soundtrack began with their best-known American hit, "Take on Me."

It all seemed so clear. If everyone looks crazy, then the crazy people can work in full view, perpetrating their vile plans. I don't know what those vile plans are, but I'm sure they're vile, as are most plans, except for the cunning ones, which may or may not be vile in addition to being cunning. And they're doing it with our help! Or, rather, the help of those who can still afford cell phones with the added luxury of a Bluetooth. I was part of this conspiracy for about a minute before I hit the skids. I'm glad I'm no longer the crazy people's patsy and that I can be a mental health Paul Revere, as 't'were, for all you poor sods still buying into The Plan.

The best way to see who's really crazy out there is to stop using this technology altogether. If that isn't an option, go up to a person talking to himself and demand to see his Bluetooth. If he bares a fang at you, he's obviously crazy. If he proudly displays an ear with what looks like a scarab attached to it, go in peace. Lather, rinse, repeat. This should keep you safe.

"The Sun Always Shines on TV" is now playing. That's the only other A-HA! song I know.