The Cliffs of Insanity

Purportedly this is from Criss Angel, who seriously freaks me out. I'm still not taking part in the chain mail because, first, I don't do that stuff and, second, the description of my Zodiac is (mostly) full of crap.

Here's the meat of the email: This was interesting. Cris Angel showed how this worked on one of his shows, but it was still kind of surprising when I checked out several people I knew. Not superstitious, but I need all the luck I can get. Once you have opened this e-mail, there is no turning back. Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs. Read your sign and then forward it on, with your zodiac sign on the subject line. This is the real deal, try ignoring or changing it and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day, starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from there.

And here's my Zodiac. Let's break it down, shall we?

• The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22)- Yeah, I'm a bit of a perfectionist.


• Dominant In relationships. - Depends on the relationship. As I get older, I find myself being a tad dominant because I don't put up with...well, with crap.


• Conservative. - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm a Hippie!


• Always wants the last word. - True. Which sucks for my relationship with my best friend because he's also a Virgo. You see the dilemma here. Our fights have gone on for months.


• Argumentative. - Not really. I try to smooth things out everywhere.


• Worries. - No point in worrying. It'll only serve to make untenable situations worse. Just follow the tenants of Dudeism and everything will be groovy.


• Very smart. - I'd like to think so.


• Dislikes noise and chaos. - Half right! I hate noise, but I loves me some Chaos. Chaos theory is probably as close we'll ever get to the truth of Existence, and Chaos Magick can be very liberating. Just ask Grant Morrison.


• Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. - I'm being all of that at the moment, but only because I have a Cause. If I'm not inspired, I couldn't care less.


• Beautiful. - That's up for debate.


• Easy to talk to. - I try to be.


• Hard to please. - Yes. You have to impress me a great deal for me to even give you the time of day.


• Harsh. - I didn't use to be, but I can be now if I have to. That's the Inner Sith.


• Practical and very fussy. - Not really. I'm extremely laid back with my own life.


• Often shy. - No, not anymore. I'm a tad in-your-face, I'm sure much to some folks' chagrin.


• Pessimistic. - True. The glass isn't half full or half empty, because there's no freakin' glass at all. Maybe that's more cynical than pessimistic.

So yeah, Criss, if this is your doing, stop with the chain mails and go back to levitation. You were much spookier doing that and being all Vampiric whilst doing it.