Events for Today

Take Aunt Tudi to Dr. Holt's for lab work, then over to see a dietitian regarding her new low-potassium, no-sugar, medium-protein, low-salt nigh-to-impossible diet! After that I have to come home and mow the grass, hopefully for the last time, get cleaned up from that, and go visit Dr. Crackyerbones. Once all that's done, I may actually get a modicum of rest before I have to head into Sally Foster.

Today, all I really want to do is curl up in a ball and roll off, á la Sonic the Hedgehog, into blissful Oblivion. Not too much to ask for on a beautiful Autumn morning. That's not such a bad thing for which to wish and long, is it?

So far...

Aunt Tudi had her labs and sat down with a dietitian. The dietitian, Mary, was very detailed when giving Aunt Tudi advice on what to eat and not to eat. She gave her a list of foods and dietary suggestions and I took extensive notes on the computer, so I think Aunt Tudi should be set on knowing her restrictions. Now, it's just a matter of having money to buy the foods she needs to eat! This is why rich people and breeders live longer than poor people with no children. They have the money, or food stamps, to buy the right foods! Blah...

I'm sorry for being so cynical. I just feel like a complete failure when it comes to taking care of Aunt Tudi the way she needs and then I stand at the dollar store, checking out the fucking dregs of society who don't deserve the food stamps that they have while they buy copious amounts of junk food and pop while Aunt Tudi sits at home eating all the wrong things because they're cheap. Then this makes me so upset, I end up writing run-on sentences, which pisses me off even more. I swear to Bob, I'm this far away - from crawling into a tower with a gun and just going out with a freakin' bang! And, trust me, I'd target all those well-fed fuckers who don't deserve to share the fucking air we breathe with Aunt Tudi.

But anyway.... We swung by Dr. Crackyerbones to see if he could work me in. He could. I went back to one of the rooms and he cracked my bones, at which time I asked him if he'd ever seen that stand-up by Eddie Izzard about the chiropractor we saw after his snowboarding accident. He said no so I asked if he'd like to. He said yes. I'll be taking Dress to Kill the next time I go see Dr. Crackyerbones. If he has a DVD player on site, I'll pop that booger in right then and show him the extent of my knowledge about chiropractors before I went to visit him. I think that he will laugh.

So that's done. All that's left is for me to mow the grass for the last time this season! I'll have four, maybe five months of lawn care bliss. At least that's one good thing.

Let's put the Dow in DOWN, shall we?

Dow is down 546 points 15 minutes before the closing bell. Wheeeeeee-ptptptptptptptptp!

Oh, and ain't my current music just sooo apropos?

So bad

Things are so bad, I'm leaving early for work to take a roll of toilet paper to a friend who has none and no money to buy any. I'd like to poo and wipe my bum right on Dubya's face. Economic scat, all the rage these days.

::seethe::

After coming home from a hell of a night at work, I see that living wrinkle being pissy toward my lovely Barack.

I have a question for you, you lock-jawed Fascist dead man walking: How can you, after just touting yourself as someone who is all about less government in the average American citizen's life, justify and support governmental intrusion into every woman's private life and, literally, her private parts by destroying her right to choose? Can you answer that for me, Mr. McCain't? Can you? Huh? Or have you already forgotten what I'd asked with that one-celled fleck of mush you call a brain, you geriatric piece of shit?

I hate you. I hate you so much, my head is nigh to popping.

I've already told Aunt Tudi that, if she hears what sounds like an over-ripe melon popping in the hot Georgia sun, it would be my head calling it a day, thanks to John McCain's shit-slinging. If I can make it to election day without keeling over from a supreme anxiety attack, it'll be a miracle.

So much for the Darwin Awards...

After surviving a horrendous car accident that almost cut her car in half, thanks to her texting someone on her cell phone, this intrepid teen had the following to say. And I quote:

"Ahh wawn't evur testisses aginn an' drahve."

Please, kid. Testisses again. Please.