Happy Birthday

to
hooded_nubbins
and
marnanel!

Fred

He'll be transferring to the car either today or tomorrow. Since he's almost as tall as Aunt Tudi, I had to flip the cam to get him sitting on the love seat. His eyes speak volumes, methinks.

( fred )

Harold and Nadine

I've been tossing something around in my mind for quite a few days now. As anyone who reads my journal on a regular basis already knows, I'm currently rereading Stephen King's The Stand for the first time since I was 12 years old. I'm 38 now, and I'm responding to the book in different ways from the first time I read it. Age and experience are definitely a plus when it comes to understanding what one is reading.

Now, I've always had an affinity for Nadine. Her mysterious connection to Randall Flagg, knowing that she belonged to him and was destined to be his bride, struck a chord in me. Looking back on how my life turned out, I understand now that I am Nadine up to a certain point. I was a virgin until age 30, but it was no Dark Man who took that in the desert. The part where I was like Nadine, though, is that I was absolutely saving myself for a certain individual. From the age of 19 to the age of 30, I remained "intact." And it was someone very much like Larry Underwood who broke that spell enough to allow me to relinquish my virginity.

Even now, though, I still feel like I'm destined to go somewhere and do something greater than myself or my self-perception. I even have a Randall Flagg of sorts in my life, though I'm certain our relationship will never be sexual. Nevertheless, I am an acolyte of his and he affects me in much the same way that Randall Flagg affects Nadine: that inexorable pull combined with the undeniable fright.

Though I'm no beauty, I think I resemble Nadine in certain ways as well. I have the long dark hair and am now getting snow white hair intermixed with that. My voice is a little on the low side and can be husky at times. My eyes are my most striking feature. And I've noticed how some women kind of get possessive and protective of their men when I'm around, like I would ever presume to edge in on anyone or like any of these men would ever want me to begin with. But I must send off a vibe that threatens them on some level. I don't understand it.

My motivations are my own.

So it begs the question: did I pattern myself after Nadine on a subconscious level or did I just naturally grow into that particular King archetype? I'll probably never know because I'm probably reading more into it than there actually is.

But there's more.

I also see Harold Lauder in myself. There's a part in the book that talks about Harold being unable to release the past and is therefore trapped in the world wherein he was teased and tormented by other school kids and even family. This prevents his being able to become a true part of the Free Zone and paves the way to damnation for him, as he plots his revenge and his subsequent escape to Las Vegas. Despite his changes, Harold remains static in his mind, forever the fat, pimple-faced nerd, the outcast, the resentful child whose potential was wasted on deaf ears.

I'm the same way. I go into every social situation assuming that I will be laughed at or shut out. My disdain for humanity as a whole stems from the cruelty I endured in school. I can't seem to pull myself out of the abyss of my mistrust and suspicion of my fellow human, nor can I accept the notion that I have anything of worth to offer (and if I did, someone else would get the credit).

I guess this means I'm destined for Las Vegas if a superflu ever hits Earth. No sweet old black lady for me. I'm doomed.

That thar Interests meme

Stolen from a whole herd of people.

LJ Interests meme results

1. anti-fascist:
   I think this speaks for itself. Although I'm no fan of Communism as it has been established in the past, I still find the idea of Communism (the pure theory as presented by Marx) much preferable to Fascism. To me Fascism represents all the scary things portrayed in anti-Utopian society tales. It's totalitarian society controlled by evil corporations hiding behind the thin veneer of a so-called benevolent religious institution. It's the powerful few exacting fierce dominance over the subjugated many. It's the priest in the back pocket of the politician telling the population what they can and cannot do in the name of 'god.' So yeah, I'm anti-fascist.
2. brad dourif:
   He is quite simply one of the best actors on this planet Earth. I fell in love with him when he played Piter DeVries in the original weird version of Dune. "It is be Will alone I set my mind in motion...."
3. dogs:
   Who isn't interested in dogs? I grew to love dogs when I got my Beagle friend Henry in 1988. Now, I have three dogs, but none of them are like Henry, although Riley comes close!
4. goddess spirituality:
   Being a student of Starhawk's by proxy, my first Pagan experiences were wholly Goddess oriented. My connection to the Goddess in Her many guises always seems to be in flux, which I think is why I haven't fully turned away from the Pagan path. She never fails to capture my attention and imagination, nor do her many rites. Now, my only public expressions of worship are via the women's group at GUUF, but that's a rare occasion. There's something phenomenally special about communing with a group of women as we reach out to our divine center. It's an aspect of Goddess Spirituality that I will always treasure.
5. llamas:
   They're beautiful, graceful creatures. They make great cartoon characters (The Emperor's New Groove). And they're the cousins to the divine Alpaca. Need I say any more?
6. music business:
   Not necessarily an interest; rather, it's a sick fascination for someone who has seen the dirty underbelly of this corrupt organisation run by tackheads, morons, and evil entities incarnate.
7. riddick:
   Bald and beautiful. Shiny eyes. Bad-ass attitude. The grace of Darth Maul flowing through his muscles. ::DROOOOOOOL::
8. sith:
   I'm interested in both the Lucas-created history of this religious order as well as the fan-enhanced version of these unique warriors. Technically, I've been interested in the Sith since 1978, even though the name wasn't revealed until 1999. I was always a Darth Vader groupie. When Star Wars EP1: The Phantom Menace came out, the Sith were finally revealed and I was totally taken in. Darth Maul was the catalyst in all this, I must admit. Sometimes horniness can inspire much more in a person.
9. the apocalypse:
   When I saw The Omen in 1979, I pulled out my Bible (yes, I have one. I still have the same Bible! I should take a picture of it....) and read Revelation. Since then, I've been quite obsessed with the Apocalypse, or Alpaca Lips in my own twisted little world. Suffice to say, I am a complete believer in the Apocalypse, despite my Pagan inclinations. That said, I identify myself as an Apocalyptic Pagan.
10. way of the sith:
    This is a pretty malleable thing, the Way of the Sith. Everyone seems to have a different definition for it, but I guess George Lucas would have the last word on it since it's his creation; however, he's based a lot of the Star Wars beliefs and pantheon on Joseph Campbell's theories on myth and archetypal characters. For my purposes, my interest in the Way of the Sith is for my own definition in said Ways. I made a post about it several years ago. It's here. But here's an excerpt:
    
    In my humble opinion, all who embrace their unique power and take responsibility for their actions as beings of strength are, for all intents and purposes, Sith. To acknowledge the Darkness within you, grow angry at the stripping of your independence, and to reclaim the heritage and Mystery of your inherent ablilites, is to be Sith. To fully experience and appreciate the whole spectrum emotions we, as humans, can express is to be Sith. In a Jedi world, where it's frowned upon to be truly alive, to be human in every beautiful and hideous way possible, to embrace the true power of your emotions and instincts is to be Sith. To stand proudly and say, "The Devil didn't make me do it, I did it because I chose to do it" is to be Sith.

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.