Another Poll

Two polls in one night. What is this world coming to? Surely this is a sign of the Alpaca Lips.

[Poll #595852]

"I don't like spam"

I got a spam email in my "Barry Andrews" folder that was entitled "Become the man that women desire." I know this is spam because, if these bozos knew Barry, they'd realise that he's already that man. Nudnicks....

Another one bites the dust etc.

I got a call from Llew earlier wherein he cursed me mightily and thanked me profoundly for getting him into LOST. He has two more discs of Season 1 to go, so I expect he'll be calling me again to babble incoherently after he's watched those. Before I lent him the DVDs, I told him that he would have questions....many many questions....but don't ask me any of them, 'cos I don't have the answers and it would only serve to piss me off.

It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling to make others as miserable as myself. That's why I convert folks to LOST. I shouldn't be the only soul writhing in confusion and wonderment!

There is a gentleman on the telly who has had extensive body modifications to turn himself into a part reptile, part human. Aunt Tudi is predictably flabbergasted and I am predictably in awe. Although I wouldn't go so far as Lizard Boy, I would undergo a couple of body mods. obie posted a link to some photos of someone who had gotten surgery to make his ears pointed. I would so do that. That's something I have always wanted, pointed ears and a tail. I probably wouldn't do the tail, but the ears? Hell yeah! If I ever have enough money to do that, I would be all over it. I'd probably get some permanent eyeliner as well. Eyeliner is probably my favourite makeup because it helps my eyes look much larger and darker. Having it permanently would be incredibly convenient.

Shmoop is a menace to Aunt Tudi. Because Aunt Tudi slips the beasties treats on the down low, Shmoop has it in her head that, whenever Aunt Tudi is in the kitchen, it's treat time, and she deploys her claws into Aunt Tudi's legs to express her bountiful anticipation. After doctoring Aunt Tudi's thigh with merthiolate, I advised her to cease the distribution of treats. The animals really don't need them and it only serves to encourage bad behaviour on Shmoop's part. Whether or not Aunt Tudi will comply with my requests is anybody's guess.

Answers

I'm gonna try to answer the questions I've gotten so far in my latest poll, but it may be a little difficult to do because I'm pinned down by Shmoop, who has decided to come between me and the computer and give herself a full tongue bath. Most inconvenient...

1. can I have a dollar? Yes. Do you want that in American, Canadian, or Australian?


2. Where were you born? I was born in Asheville, North Carolina, at Memorial Mission Hospital. There was a total eclipse of the sun at that time, and many nuns perished across the street at St. Joseph's hospital. There was also the appropriately accompanying Omen chorale music.


3. Why can something you know deep down is right be so difficult? Because Loki has control over the Earth right now, and he thinks it's bloody amusing to see us all scampering about in worry and confusion.


4. Is that your natural skin color, or do you dye? Uncomfortably pale is indeed my natural hue.


5. Do you prefer to wear shoes or go barefoot. Or are you one of those SOCK people. =D I usually wear my old Birks because that's the next best thing to being barefooted without any stone bruises. I do tend to wear socks in the Winter time, though. Many pairs of socks. Toe socks even.


6. Uhh... ummm.. are you a native North Carolinian? Do you like the South? What are you growing in your yard, if anything? I am a native Tarheel, yes. Born and raised for the most part in Asheville. There are quite a few things I like about the South. Compared to Southern California, I can't imagine living anywhere else, despite my displeasure with a lot of what goes on here. Asheville has all the open mindedness of San Diego, combined with the friendliness and laid back attitude of the Upstate of SC, so I hope to someday get back there. Aunt Tudi planted a couple of althea bushes in the front yard. They're descendants of the big althea bush that grew on my great-grandmother's mountain property aeons ago. I occasionally plant roses and I have a contorted filbert of which I'm quite proud. When its leaves are gone, I'll take pictures for the journal.


7. Who exactly is Llew? How long have you guys been... involved? And is he really Welsh? Llew's name is actually Lewis, but he's of Scottish/Welsh descent and originally from New Jersey. His grandfather was Llewellyn Morrison. I just got in the habit of doubling his L's. I've been with him since August of 2001. We've had our ups and our downs, but we're still very tight and, if we ever end our romantic relationship, I have no doubt that we'll remain fast friends.


8. Do you ever want to pull someone over, shake the shit out of them and give them the best advice they've ever received - and all because you hate them and want to twist their empty head off? I used to feel like this every single day, whilst I was still enslaved in The Pit. Now that I'm home most of the time, the urge to behave in this manner has waned somewhat. I'm sure that will change once I'm back in school, though. Exposure to other human beings never fails to inspire much rage and misanthropy in me.


9. When next will you be in Florida? I do not know, honestly, but I hope it's within the next few months. Mind if I come see you?


10. Will you ever seriously consider making a CD of songs you sing? Nah. Who the hell would want to hear it?


11. What is the deal with the Alpaca Lips? I must have missed an expository post. *grin* I've never actually explained the Alpaca Lips in my journal. Basically, I was just playing around with words and came up with Alpaca Lips for Apocalypse and posted the picture of an alpaca with the tagline "Alpaca Lips Now!" From there it just ballooned into a catchphrase of sorts for my journal. But I will post something about the full meaning of the Alpaca Lips as it has grown very soon. Stay tuned and be sure to wear your tinfoil hat!


12. What's your favorite position? I'm assuming you're referring to sexual position. When I was heavier, it was doggie-style, because the penetration was much deeper and felt exquisite; however, that's not the case now. Now, the penetration is a little too deep and painful. So I guess I prefer missionary now, because I like the feeling being pinned under someone, wrapped completely in his arms, and unable to move very much. There's a special intimacy that comes with that and I very much enjoy it.


13. If you were to start a 'religion', what would it be derived from and what would it entail? It'd have all the relaxed and groovy portions of Christianity that most contemporary fundamentalists refuse to acknowledge even exist, as well as all the deep mystical aspects of a variety of Pagan religions (not so much Wicca, mind). It would basically require adherents to express love and respect not only for each other, but also for animals, plants, and the workings of our weather. It would also be Alpaca Liptic in that believers would pretty much come to grips that we humans are either going to experience a large shift in our spiritual evolution, essentially ending society as we know it, or we're going to eradicate ourselves and society as we know it.


14. What is your past, to you? My past defines me up to a certain point. It has created the person I am today, but it doesn't dictate who I may be tomorrow. There's a lot of sorrow and joy there and a lot I'd care never to remember.


15. Do you like Mediterranean food? (Greek, Lebanese, hell, even Italian) Yes, very much! I don't think I've ever tried Lebanese food, but I'm all over Greek and Italian. There's a restaurant in Asheville called The Mediterranean. It's run by a Greek family and has been in business for aeons. They serve a Greek and Italian cuisine that would make you want to slap your momma.

Got a question of your own? Go on and ask. I don't bite unless given express permission first.

The Alpaca Lips

There have been inquiries about the Alpaca Lips lately. Inquiries and declarations of finally "getting it." And it was brought to my attention that I have never made a post to explain what The Alpaca Lips is all about, so this is that post.

A few years back, probably my first year here at LJ, I had just watched The Emperor's New Groove and had llamas on my mind. Round about the same time, I was reading various online theories about the End Times. The two things mingled in my mind like a mixed drink from hell and, playing with words in the English language, I came up with Alpaca Lips for Apocalypse. Very quickly, I found a picture of an alpaca proudly displaying its lips and posted it in my LJ with the tagline "Alpaca Lips Now."

Since then, I've adopted the Alpaca Lips as a user friendly reference to the End of All Mankind. Not the end of the world, mind you, but the End of All Mankind. It's my strong belief that humans are essentially destroying ourselves by making the planet uninhabitable for our kind. The Earth will respond to our abuse with climate changes and various natural disasters and boy! have we got it coming!

And being one of the rare Pagans who agrees with the whole Christian Armageddon camp, I needed to make the Endtimes something a little less Christian for my own comfort. Alpacas live in the regions where the Mayans once flourished, and I am a full believer in the whole Mayan calendar prophecy of Everything Ending on 21 December, 2012. I found it only logical that such a prophecy would have the title of Alpaca Lips. Besides, it's funny and I find it healthy to chuckle in the face of impending doom.

So that's the Alpaca Lips. I'm cheering it on.