Topic #2: Jesus as a Time Traveller

[tinhuvielartanis]

This topic comes to me courtesy of dougals.

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If Jesus were a time traveller, I think he'd go back to right after his death and beat the shit out of his followers who took it upon themselves to start twisting his teachings and philosophies to whatever end they thought was logical/propitious/whatever. Saul/Paul should be at the top of his list. And, before anyone gets their panties in a wad about my suggesting Jesus open up a can of Whoop-Ass on these converts, he essentially did this with the money changers in Temple, so he's not above doing what needs to be done.

Yes, I'd like to see the Jesunator go back in a time bubble and knock on Saul/Paul's door while Saul/Paul is writing 1 Corinthians 14:34-35. He should then pummel Saul/Paul and tell him he's a complete idiot, take his clothes (because travelling in time makes you naked as all Terminator fans are very aware), and head straight for Gaul to hang out with his wife and play with his kids for a while.

I think that if he set some people straight, we wouldn't be living in the screwed up world we're living in today. Of course, there's always the chance of failure, so Jesus' back-up plan should be to travel to our time. Here, he should set up his own ministry, maybe even have his own television show, and preach his own gospel. It'd be deeply interesting to see how many of today's Christians would turn on him, try to smear his name and have him barred from preaching and, if that didn't work, have him killed. I can see it now. It'd also be interesting to see how many people came to Jesus' way of thinking and became true Christians in total opposition to the Pauline Dominionist Status Quo currently trying to take over the world. Oh, the trouble he'd cause by simply being himself!

Comments

[ex-glittert.livejournal.com]

t'd also be interesting to see how many people came to Jesus' way of thinking and became true Christians in total opposition to the Pauline Dominionist Status Quo currently trying to take over the world.

St. Paul was a homophobic tool who protested too much. Jus' sayin'.

Go you - this is great!

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Why thanks! It's theorised that Paul was himself a homosexual, but hated himself so much, he preached hate at every opportunity. The man needed therapy. And a good ass-whipping from Jesus.

[angstzeit.livejournal.com]

Jesus always gets killed. Only dead people can have real mass appeal--they don't go messing up people's screwy little ideas about them.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

You're right of course. That's why Andy had Peter Pumpkinhead nailed to a chunk of wood. The good ones always get lynched by the ignorant human mob. It's our way.

[mercymanic.livejournal.com]

LOL. You're starting to sound like a neo-gnostic. Watch out, that ride gets weirder the further you take it.

Yeah, Paul was actually the apostle who didn't 'get it'. But it was Constantine who was the REAL problem. Paul was just the spokesman who could sell it.

:-)

[janalyson.livejournal.com]

round of applause!

Re: :-)

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

::bows and grins::

[bluestocking7.livejournal.com]

Aaaaay-mennnn!

[morriganwind.livejournal.com]

PREACH ON!

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

This gave me Glory Bumps.

[morriganwind.livejournal.com]

Me too. :D

[bloominglotus.livejournal.com]

AWESOME (and, I think, totally true).

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

I think the Jesunator should slap Augustine around a bit, too. "Pelagius has a clue! You don't!" *WHAP*!

[falkenna.livejournal.com]

Yep, good stuff, well done.
Though Paul probably didn't write those particular verses. His churches had lots of prominent women.
On the other hand, there's so much homophobia in his letters that a) he probably did write it, and b) I agree it sounds like he was repressing it like mad, became celebate as a result, and hated himself. Although, there were lots of celebate/ascetic sects at that time, and he may have just hated anything fleshly so much, that he couldn't countenance a sexual act that had not the slightest chance of resulting in conception.
(Part of my current project I mentioned before is serious study of current research on the Historical Jesus and the growth of Christianity.)
There's actually a good case that Jesus didn't exist at all, so time travel would have been a bit difficult . . .
Anyhow, you're right, they would totally kill him instantly. Even though they've become so expert at denying plain facts, that there is absolutely *nothing* he could do (not even the Voice from above stuff) that would make them believe it *was* him.