tinhuvielartanis | Our NYC Trip, Part One

I can't sleep and I'm colder than fuck, so I may as well get some of this down tonight so I'll have less to transcribe tomorrow. That way I can get back to work on the book.

As transcribed from the handwritten journal I kept.

15 November 5:10 Central Time
Our flight was delayed about 40 minutes thanks to storms over Memphis. Right now it's unknown whether or not we'll be able to make our connecting flight as we had only about a 45 minute window. Bah!

Our flight attendant looks like Grace Slick circa 1987.

Right now I have the theme song from the Airplane movies in my head and I'm contemplating LOST thanks to Aunt Tudi, who blurted out "23 skidoo!" as we took off. WTF??? But she's getting hers now. There's currently lightning all around us and she's enjoying a lovely light show with accompanying turbulence. I heard a quite audible sucking sound and just knew it was her butthole drawing up from abject fright. My butthole, on the other hand, is numb from sitting in this lawn chair NWA calls a seat.

8:40 PM Central Fucking Time
We are still in Memphis, spending the night at the airport instead of the posh [Wyndham Gardens] where we're supposed to be by 10:30 EST. Why? Because of the delay - PARTIALLY!

The main reason we're here is because of the complete unwillingness of NWA's employees to be even REMOTELY helpful!!

OMG, I feel like Erik Cartman right now. "I..AM...SO...PISSED..RIGHT..NOW..."

We could have made a plane to Newark had it not been for the shitweasels who WOULD NOT COMMUNICATE ANY HELPFUL ANYTHING TO US.

::SEEEEEEEETHE::

So we won't be in NY until 12 tomorrow and we're having to go to Detroit first.

::SEEEEEEEETHE::

10 PM Central Time
Well, since all the discount hotels have declared "no vacancy," all us poor miserable bastards at the Memphis airport have been treated to air mattresses, pillows that look like enlarged tea bags, and blankets made from leftover SOS pads.

The concourse looks like a refugee campsite. We've all camped out in front of Arby's Needless to say Arby's is doing a booming business at the mo. Their stock will shoot up tomorrow.

A couple of nice ladies, Aunt Tudi and I are having a "pajama party." One lady is going to visit her daughter in Oklahoma. The other lady just got back from Iraq and is on her way home to San Antonio.

Everyone is very displeased but we're all trying to see the humour in it all and laugh off an untenable situation. In the morning I need to talk to someone about changing our seats. Aunt Tudi and I aren't together now, thanks to the ass-sucker with whom I had the misfortune of having to deal. If they won't let us change our seats, heads are gonna roll!

I've taken pictures of this travesty. I've never seen such a ridiculous situation in my life. Now I can't sleep because I'm on a rage high. Bah!

Tudi with the teabag pillows

Me all pissed off and ready to kill kill KILL

That's all I can write for now. Will upload the rest of the pics and tell the rest of the tale tomorrow. As any one can see, though, it got off to a really shitty start.