See me shiver with hesi.......................................tation.

[tinhuvielartanis]

There have been a wee handful of people whom I met online that I have met in real life. The number of folks I'd like to meet or who have expressed a desire to meet me is much greater. Why don't I then?

Well, it's like this. The personality online, particularly on LJ, is the the honest me, the one that has no trouble emoting and expressing. The me in real life is painfully shy, stumbles over her words, and basically is an utter fuck-up because I'm so self-conscious and shy. It takes a while, but first impressions are hard to overcome, so I hesitate to make myself available in RL. Despite my Sithly attitude, I enjoy people liking me, especially people that I like, and I find it distasteful even thinking about ruining their image of me because of my horrible social abilities, or serious lack thereof.

Now this sounds like I put across a personality that I'm not, but that's not true. I'm much more comfortable writing than I am speaking face to face or especially talking on the phone. My lack of inhibitions and honesty shine through on my journal because I want my life to be an open book; however, I can't seem to find my voice by any other means unless I know you very well and for a very long time. _willowmyst and D spent over a week with me a few years ago and it took some time for us to gel as well in RL as it did online. I regret the time we had to waste while I found my legs, but it's a fact of life with me. The same happened with falkenna.

I get fairly nauseated thinking about my pending face-to-face with Barry. I'm certain I shall come across as a short-bus riding professional drooler. I shudder to imagine it....

And the time I talked with clauderainsrm, I jabbered like an idiot 'cos I was so nervous. I just don't do well in social settings...not at all.

I just don't fancy disappointing people with whom I've formed a bond. Everyone else can hop off to hell for all I care. That said, I wouldn't have one problem in the world telling Dubya to his face exactly what I think of him. I don't give a shit what he thinks of me and, as far as I'm concerned, he could choke on a pretzel right now and I'd not feel a thing but relief that he was gone. But anyone on my friends list would get the shy, stumbling soul I tend to become when I'm face to face with someone I admire, but have not yet met. I was a basket case when I met Weird Al Yankovic. So much I could have said, but did I? No. Just couldn't. I'm an idiot.

carmenwatson has invited me for a visit on my way to Mother Ocean. Do I dare? I'd like to, but my shyness may not allow me. ::kicks self:: Someday I might overcome it all. With my luck, I'll die shortly thereafter.

Comments

[silent-ic-river.livejournal.com]

I promise, I'm not an ax-murder.

What a minute...that's not a point in my favor, is it?

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

*snorkle*

I don't get concerned about the folks I meet; rather, I'm afraid I may come off as an axe murderer myself.

[silent-ic-river.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I should point out that I am uber-shy myself. I cover this with bluster and foolish giggling.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I'm much the same way. It amazes me sometimes how many people who are fluid enchanting writers on lj are stammering timid mice in person.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_willowmyst/]

Well let me tell you, the couple of weeks I spent with you were some of the happiest days of my life thus far. When we left on that night train I wept buckets once we were out of sight at the thought that I may never get to meet you face to face again.

I'm horribly, painfully shy but over the last couple of years I've managed to somehow conquer that to some extent. I've met a lot of people I never would have had the guts to meet up with just a few years ago, ok so some of them, in hindsight, I could have well done without getting involved with, but it's made a huge difference to my life. I've done a hell of a lot of stuff I would never have had the opportunity to experience had I remained safely behind this computer screen, and I'm glad that I did them.

I'm still terrified of meeting new people or meeting people I've had a friendship with on the internet, but in the end it's worth it.

Boy do I waffle or what?

[ex-glittert.livejournal.com]

When you and I eventually meet, let's just go to the beach or summat and stare at the sea. We'd be happy as clams :D

[mekkasimian.livejournal.com]

IF MEET, MEK ACT LIKE SUPER-DORK, MAKE TIN FEEL SUAVE BY COMPARISON.

=M=

[durgablue.livejournal.com]

I'm way smoother on LJ..shit, that's not saying fucking much. ;p

I'm much more comfortable writing than I am speaking face to face or especially talking on the phone.

Funny you should say that, I was just thinkin' the same thing last night.

It's particularly bad when I'm around a guy I'm fond of, I turn into Ally Sheedy's character from the Breakfast Club.

Hell, next time we're in a social sitch, we might as well shove our fingers up our silly noses, rock back and forth, repeating some odd phrase like: "it's not that easy guys, it's not that easy..."
Uh, ok, maybe not.

One day the cool kids won't freak us out so much. When that happens, I think I just make a habit of giving any newcomers my famous redoubtable stare and half grin.

[bigblackmimesis.livejournal.com]

My dear, I've been struggling with poor social abilities for longer than you've been alive. And yet I'd still like to meet you sometime, even taking the risk that I'm dull and unworthy in the flesh. I'd like a voice to connect to your words.

And I can see how any of your correspondants might want to meet you. Lighten up- anxiety feeds back on itself. I'm sure you're gracious and charming once you get past the panic attacks, fight-or-flight responses, and the speaking in tongues.

So there.

[aditi-.livejournal.com]

I'm quite shy as well and socially inept. We'd get along great. :)

Power to the SHY PEOPLE

[kajiracad.livejournal.com]

i too am almost phobic about calling people on the phone.
meeting them in person, tho, that's not so bad.
yet here, on LJ, (or in email/IMs/chat) i'm totally comfortable.

each of us has our comfort zones and our "hold-gee-whiz-yikes" zones.

that whole Sith thing puzzles me, but i'm sure it just makes you more adorable in person: somehow i can't imagine you EVER postulating on something or another in ignorance and without passion.

SHY PEOPLE don't lie, rarely steal, and never, ever BETRAY you. (or at least that's been my experience. ymmv)

[falkenna.livejournal.com]

I never noticed (oh, a little shyness maybe, but nothing major). Does that mean you weren't as bad as you thought, or that I was an insensitive clod?

It took me a long time to realize that the reason I'm not scared to do temp work (new situations and people all the time), meet new and famous people, or sing in public -- is because just saying Hello, even to people I know, is such a scary risk, that further degrees of it barely even register. Being confident is probably the most common magical operation in the world: pretend to be confident, and you soon find you are (well, more so).

(But none of this keeps me from saying totally idiotic things to people I want to impress. Like kajiracad says, we all have our Yikes zones.)

[irenes.livejournal.com]

I grok you. I'm exactly the same way.

I was in a study at Duke University for Social Anxiety Disorder ... they gave me prozac and group therapy. I told them I felt much better (though hardly cured), they didn't believe me. Heh.

Anyway, point is, the thing I really learned from the group therapy is when you get that special sinking feeling in your belly that makes you want to avoid doing something is when it's all the more important that you do it. It's one thing if you have a valid reason not to do something ... it's the avoidance you have to avoid - because it's self-reinforcing. well anyway, that's only if you really want to get over it. Because really, sometimes I think it'd just be much easier to give in and be a hermit and talk to everyone via internet forever.

[falkenna.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but the fact that it's easier, is surely your point? You miss out on so much life doing that.