The Cliffs of Insanity (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tinhuvielartanis) wrote2002-12-08 08:04 pm
tinhuvielartanis) wrote2002-12-08 08:04 pm
Entry tags:
Dreams and Thoughts
Instead of going to meet James, Lew and I remained in our respective homes, him battling a cold and me battling a migraine that just recently broke.
I had a dream last night. Perhaps it was two dreams, one segueing into another. I don't know, but I think they may have contributed to my headache.
I dreamt of David the harpist last night. I dreamt that we were all at a gathering place of some sort, that I had flown in from out of town and it was a large bar, restaurant, or cantina at an airport or nearby hotel. He sat down next to me on this large black leather couch and he smiled at me. I wanted to kill him...I wanted to kiss him.
He said "I didn't think I'd see you again. I guess you're still wanting to know why I did what I did. I'm glad you've found someone who makes you happy."
"Why are you talking to me now when you ran from me the other times you saw me?"
"You don't seem as scary now. Your emotions always overwhelmed me, Tracy. I guess that's why I ran from you from the very beginning. I wanted one thing and you wanted something totally different. I saw chains when I looked at you."
With that, we were swept into this large room that seemed to be a museum of biological oddities. I was looking for Lew and Aunt Tudi, but never let David out of my sight. I can't tell you how I was feeling. The loss was still so apparent there....loss and rage and hatred. I was desperate to find my family. Instead I was drawn along in this queue as we observed the strangest things that genetics can offer. People with enlarged heads and eyes, babies with extra limbs, twisted skeletons, Chernobyl freaks, the whole megillah. What was so weird is there was also a big buffet table offering gourmet foods. People were getting sick everywhere from the macabre display and yet they were being encouraged to eat up. When I came to the buffet table I got the last piece of flounder and some garlic mashed potatoes, but I wasn't even hungry.
Suddenly I was talking to Steven Tyler (yes, of Aerosmith) and he was explaining how dangerously fucked up musicians are. He told me not to get involved with another professional musician ever again if I wanted to keep my self-respect and sanity. And all I could think of was how cool it would be if Stephanie were there with me to meet Steven Tyler (she looooooooves him).
So there you go. I think a dream like that would give anyone a headache....
I stayed in the dark for most of the day doing something pretty stupid but I couldn't help it. I have been watching Taken all day. I'm retaping it because the second part was messed up when I taped it earlier this week and Sci Fi, being true to their nature, is having an encore performance of the 1st five installments. I got drawn into it first thing this morning (it came on at 11 a.m.) and am still watching it (it's now almost 8 p.m.) and the mini-series has triggered a lot of pondering about the Greys and how their Lore has affected us all.
Admittedly, I sometimes think I believe in the Greys more than I do the existence of Deity, even though I am devoted to the Goddess. Perhaps it's because of their immediate physical reality as opposed to the higher-minded mystical and amorphous presence of a creator/creatrix. Perhaps it's because of the feeling I get when I see images of the Greys...that prickly, chicken-pimple sensation. I don't think I've ever doubted that they exist. I got the same feeling when I was playing around with one of the pictures of the Elves that I draw and discovered that underneath all that hair and regalia lingers the image of a Grey. Take away the hair, the garb, the ears...black in the eyes and voila! Grey!
I'm not saying that I am an abductee. I have no memories or hints of memories of such an event. I think what I'm saying is that the Greys have touched us all in some way or another. They've reached our collective psyche. I have no problem with the idea that our myths of Faeries and Angels stem from ancient contact with these beings. It's all connected and the tales are products of how we humans perceived contact with the Greys. Not all these stories were horror stories just like not all the abduction tales are ones of terror.
What are their motivations? Maybe we aren't advanced enough to understand. Like I said to Lew, maybe some of the encounters people have with them are equivalent to when scientests go out and tag a cougar. It's to protect the animal but the animal only understands the fear and pain. We can't possibly explain that we're trying to help and it can't possibly conceive that we're anything other than monsters.
I'd like to make contact with them. Maybe I'd run like a terrified wild animal or maybe I'd be able to connect to my higher consciousness and prove to myself and to them that I want to try to comprehend it all. In theory that's what I want...in practice I must admist that I'd probably be that surly cougar with the tag in her ear. At least I can admit my own limitations.
'Taken' touched upon one thing common among abductees: the fact that the Greys tend to protect them from harm. I was surprised to see this be addressed at length in the mini-series and I'm very happy that it was. It's something that backs up a theory of mine that I shared with Lew not so long ago....something that may change his outlook on issues regarding the Greys we have discussed over the time we've been together. I can't wait for him to see this remarkable feat in cinema.
I had a dream last night. Perhaps it was two dreams, one segueing into another. I don't know, but I think they may have contributed to my headache.
I dreamt of David the harpist last night. I dreamt that we were all at a gathering place of some sort, that I had flown in from out of town and it was a large bar, restaurant, or cantina at an airport or nearby hotel. He sat down next to me on this large black leather couch and he smiled at me. I wanted to kill him...I wanted to kiss him.
He said "I didn't think I'd see you again. I guess you're still wanting to know why I did what I did. I'm glad you've found someone who makes you happy."
"Why are you talking to me now when you ran from me the other times you saw me?"
"You don't seem as scary now. Your emotions always overwhelmed me, Tracy. I guess that's why I ran from you from the very beginning. I wanted one thing and you wanted something totally different. I saw chains when I looked at you."
With that, we were swept into this large room that seemed to be a museum of biological oddities. I was looking for Lew and Aunt Tudi, but never let David out of my sight. I can't tell you how I was feeling. The loss was still so apparent there....loss and rage and hatred. I was desperate to find my family. Instead I was drawn along in this queue as we observed the strangest things that genetics can offer. People with enlarged heads and eyes, babies with extra limbs, twisted skeletons, Chernobyl freaks, the whole megillah. What was so weird is there was also a big buffet table offering gourmet foods. People were getting sick everywhere from the macabre display and yet they were being encouraged to eat up. When I came to the buffet table I got the last piece of flounder and some garlic mashed potatoes, but I wasn't even hungry.
Suddenly I was talking to Steven Tyler (yes, of Aerosmith) and he was explaining how dangerously fucked up musicians are. He told me not to get involved with another professional musician ever again if I wanted to keep my self-respect and sanity. And all I could think of was how cool it would be if Stephanie were there with me to meet Steven Tyler (she looooooooves him).
So there you go. I think a dream like that would give anyone a headache....
I stayed in the dark for most of the day doing something pretty stupid but I couldn't help it. I have been watching Taken all day. I'm retaping it because the second part was messed up when I taped it earlier this week and Sci Fi, being true to their nature, is having an encore performance of the 1st five installments. I got drawn into it first thing this morning (it came on at 11 a.m.) and am still watching it (it's now almost 8 p.m.) and the mini-series has triggered a lot of pondering about the Greys and how their Lore has affected us all.
Admittedly, I sometimes think I believe in the Greys more than I do the existence of Deity, even though I am devoted to the Goddess. Perhaps it's because of their immediate physical reality as opposed to the higher-minded mystical and amorphous presence of a creator/creatrix. Perhaps it's because of the feeling I get when I see images of the Greys...that prickly, chicken-pimple sensation. I don't think I've ever doubted that they exist. I got the same feeling when I was playing around with one of the pictures of the Elves that I draw and discovered that underneath all that hair and regalia lingers the image of a Grey. Take away the hair, the garb, the ears...black in the eyes and voila! Grey!
I'm not saying that I am an abductee. I have no memories or hints of memories of such an event. I think what I'm saying is that the Greys have touched us all in some way or another. They've reached our collective psyche. I have no problem with the idea that our myths of Faeries and Angels stem from ancient contact with these beings. It's all connected and the tales are products of how we humans perceived contact with the Greys. Not all these stories were horror stories just like not all the abduction tales are ones of terror.
What are their motivations? Maybe we aren't advanced enough to understand. Like I said to Lew, maybe some of the encounters people have with them are equivalent to when scientests go out and tag a cougar. It's to protect the animal but the animal only understands the fear and pain. We can't possibly explain that we're trying to help and it can't possibly conceive that we're anything other than monsters.
I'd like to make contact with them. Maybe I'd run like a terrified wild animal or maybe I'd be able to connect to my higher consciousness and prove to myself and to them that I want to try to comprehend it all. In theory that's what I want...in practice I must admist that I'd probably be that surly cougar with the tag in her ear. At least I can admit my own limitations.
'Taken' touched upon one thing common among abductees: the fact that the Greys tend to protect them from harm. I was surprised to see this be addressed at length in the mini-series and I'm very happy that it was. It's something that backs up a theory of mine that I shared with Lew not so long ago....something that may change his outlook on issues regarding the Greys we have discussed over the time we've been together. I can't wait for him to see this remarkable feat in cinema.