tinhuvielartanis | More Alpcaliptic Wisdom from the Doomsday 2012 Calendar (Reply)

The Waiting Is the Hardest Part

The Mayan Long Count calendar may set a date for the end of the world but provides few details as to what, exactly, will happen. Similarly, the Mayan Long Count cookbook lists all the ingredients for flan but not the technique for setting the edges while still keeping the center wobbly. Doomsday scenarios to expect in 2012 include (but are not limited to):

massive geological upheaval
collision with a meteor, planet, or black hole
magnetic pole shift
alien invasion
and/or the second coming of Christ.

Essentially, it's a bacon-double doomsday burger. Supersized.

iPocalypse Playlist (wondering what to play on your iPod as you cower with friends and loved ones? Here's a suggested soundtrack):

It's the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine) by REM
Armageddon It by Def Leppard
Eve of Destruction by Barry McGuire
The End by The Doors
The Final Countdown by Europe
Mandy by Barry Manilow (c'mon Barry, we know what you're really trying to say)
(and I'm adding here 'Glory Bumps' by Shriekback)

Photo Finishes: the Best Spots on Earth for Taking in the Big Day

Kiribati, Christmas Islands

Be the very first to experience the apocalypse – watch the sunrise on Kiribati, a tropical island in the central Pacific right beside the International Date Line. Then travel 1000 miles east to Samoa, and be the very last, some 26 hours later – you know, in case you feel like going back to bed, eating a nice leisurely brunch, maybe even taking a lazy afternoon nap. It is your final day, after all.

Last Words

This is the way the world ends,

This is the way the world ends.

Not with a bang, but a whimper. ---- t.s. eliot, poet

Hickory, Dickory Dock: Beware the Doomsday Clock

The Doomsday Clock is a symbolic timepiece created in 1947 by scientists at the University of Chicago. It represents the time remaining before humankind reaches global catastrophe; the closer its hands get to midnight, the closer we are to annihilation (after all, midnight is as good a time as any to get totally destroyed). During the past 65 years, 19 events have changed the time on the clock. What were they?

Year: 1947

Time Change: From Noon to 11:53 pm

Reason: This was the initial setting of the Doomsday Clock. Scientists also set the Doomsday Alarm, although if you want to be sure not to sleep through it, better order a backup doomsday wake-up call.

I Scream, You Scream: We all scream for these limited-edition apocalyptic ice cream flavours.

The Book of Reve-latte
Magatsun-almond
Chocolate Chip Cookie Doom
“Everything but the Kitchen Sink” End of Sundaes
Fudgement Day
Tofutti

Come with Me if You Want to Live! (survive in style as we count down the US's top 12 places to sit tight and ride it out):

#12 – The Greenbrier Hotel, White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia: It's not just an award-winning luxury resort. The Greenbrier's basement houses an emergency relocation center once intended as a shelter for Congress in the event of nuclear holocaust. It's also a great place to get away for the weekend, maybe shoot a few holes of golf. The hotel recently added a casino, too, in case you're feeling extra lucky.

Apoca-Flix (you've got less than a year left on Earth – curl up with some popcorn and one of these must-see gems):

The Seventh Seal
The Seventh Sign
Se7en (technically not about the apocalypse, but Kevin Spacey is just so creepy)
End of Days (which also marks the end of Arnold Schwarzenegger's days as a bankable actor)
Omen III: The Final Conflict
Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

Apocalypse NOT

Prognosticators have been predicting the end of times since, well, the beginning of time – and they still haven't gotten it right. Learn more, as we present failed apocalyptic prophecies from doomsdays past.

AD 365: Theologian Hilary of Poitiers announced that the end would come that very year. It did not. Then one of his pupils, St. Martin of Tours, suggested it would happen “sometime after AD 400, a rare instance in which the student gives the teacher an extension, instead of the other way around. Unfortunately, Hilary still needed more time...like a couple thousand years' worth.

Armageddon (disambiguation)

Armageddon: the 1998 film starring Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis
Worms Armageddon: a video game from the 'Worms' series
Armageddon: a middling 1970s British prog-rock band
Armageddon 2419 AD: a science fiction novella in which the character Buck Rogers first appeared.
WWE Armageddon: an annual professional wrestling event
“Armageddon It:” a song by Def Leppard, the sixth single off the band's 1988 Hysteria. Six singles?! Man, Hysteria really was a good album.

Eschatology Fun Fact: The word “Armageddon” comes from the Hebrew har megiddo, meaning “mountain of Megiddo,” a plateau in northeast Israel where, according to Christian interpretations, good will battle evil once and for all, and the “Lamb” will defeat the “Beast.” In Disney's version, the Beast then turns back into a prince, as Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson swell over the end credits.

Laugh through the Tears (take the 'doom' out of doomsday with these apocalypse-themed jokes. You'll be the life of the cult gathering)

Satan,the Antichrist, and the False Prophet walk into a bar. Satan orders three beers and says to the bartender, “Hey, we're about to fight the Lord's Army at Armageddon. How about something to eat?”

So the bartender puts out some peanuts, and just the Antichrist is about to eat one, the bowl of peanuts says, “Hey, I really like that 666 birthmark.”

The Antichrist says, “What's up with these peanuts?”

and the bartender says, “They're complimentary!”