Gom Jabbar

[tinhuvielartanis]

I feel like I'm being forced to endure it. I don't want to be human. I just want the pain to stop. Taking the legs is becoming more and more of a logical idea on my part. Sure, they'd probably commit me, but at least they'd give me some pain medicine for the self-mutilation. I mean, they do give medicine to those who try to take off their limbs out of unbearable pain don't they? It'd be my luck to get a fucking Pollyanna counselor telling me that the pain in my knees isn't that bad and once they scabbed over, I'd see the error of my way. I'm sick of this. Sick of it. I'm tired of pretending to smile and bear up under the constant bone rubbing on bone. Sure they could replace my knees if I had money. Sure they'd give me medicine if it weren't addictive. Sure they'd put me braces if the braces didn't do worse damage than they do without my wearing them. What the fuck is wrong with the medical community? I'm not rick, so replacements aren't an option. Braces aren't an option. Besides, they cost money too. The cheapest method is the meds, but they'd rather see someone suffer to the point of suicide than ever say they took part in addicting someone to the meds. That the fuck. Why make the meds if they aren't going to administer it? Is it there just to make a mockery of the whole fucking system?

I'm tired. So tired.