tinhuvielartanis | Quotable Quotes and Their Inevitable Modern Improvements (Reply)

These were all taken from an old address/telephone book we've had for ages. Over the years, I'd written responses to some of the quotes therein. Here are the results, all in a tidy post. If you get the reference in the last quote, you get a cyber-cookie.

“A letter need not be long to be welcome.” ~ Emily Post (But a phone call is ten times easier ~ T. Evans)
“Never shall thy spoken word / Be again unsaid, unheard.” ~ Rose Terry Cooke (Unless thou art an enemy / Of Homeland Security ~ T. Evans
“He knows not when to be silent who knows not when to speak.” ~ Publilius Syrus (He knows not when to shut his pie hole in trying times. ~ T. Evans)
“Good words are worth much, and cost little.” ~ George Herbert (Bad words get more laughs and more money. ~ T. Evans)
“There’s a great power in words, if you don’t hitch too many of them together.” ~ Josh Billings (One grunt can speak volumes. ~ T. Evans)
“It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” ~ Kahlil Gibran (This guy never saw ‘COMA.’ ~ T. Evans)
“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” ~ Elbert Hubbard (He who does not understand your words probably does not speak your language. ~ T. Evans)
“Words are the wings of actions.” ~ Johan Kaspar Lavater (But violence is the jet engine of action movies. ~ T. Evans)
“The best love letters are the direct promptings of the heart.” ~ Carleton B. Cuse (The best hate letters require several magazines, scissors, and glue. ~ T. Evans)
“Of the pangs of absence are removed by a letter.” ~ Old valentine (Oft the joys of one’s absence are also removed by a letter. ~ T. Evans)
“A line is enough for memory.” ~ Old autograph album (Two lines give a better high. ~ T. Evans)
“Much that well may be thought cannot wisely be said.” ~ Epes Sargent’s Standard Fourth Reader (Unless you’re rich, dying, or crazy. ~ T. Evans)
“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning (“One-one-thousand, two-one-thousand!” ~ Roger Rabbit)
“A letter should never remain unanswered a moment longer than is absolutely unavoidable” ~ Hints on Etiquette, 1834 (Unless it’s a suicide note, which usually doesn’t require a reply. ~ T. Evans)
“I always prefer to believe the best of everybody – it saves so much trouble.” ~ Rudyard Kipling (I always prefer to believe the worst of everybody – it saves a knife in the eye. ~ T. Evans)
“I count only the sunny hours.” ~ Sundial motto (‘Cos I can’t see to count in the dark. ~ T. Evans)
“When hands are linked that dread to part, and heart is met by throbbing heart ---- Oh! Bitter, bitter is the smart of them that bid farewell!” ~ Reginald Heber (When eyes is met with baleful eye and poison’s thrust forth like a sty, just kiss your sorry ass goodbye, and take and like your lumps. ~ T. Evans inspired by The Maltese Falcon)
“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson (Nothing funny was ever achieved without Mel Brooks. ~ T. Evans)
“Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today.” ~ Benjamin Franklin (Never do that which you so hateth today or any day. ~ T. Evans)
“Love in a letter endures forever in our memories.” ~ Emily Post (And can be used against you in a court of law. Just ask Judge Judy. ~ T. Evans)
“All’s well that ends well.” ~ William Shakespeare (All hideous that ends horribly. ~ T. Evans)
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi (But the rich can just kill ya and get if over with. ~ T. Evans)
“Happy is the house that shelters a friend.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson (Fairly alarmed is the house that shelters a known fugitive. ~ T. Evans)
“I’ll note you in my book of memory.” ~ William Shakespeare (I’ll put you on my shit list. ~ modern translation by T. Evans)
“Little strokes fell great oaks.” ~ Benjamin Franklin (Big strokes melt half your body ~ T. Evans)
“Never promise more than you can perform.” ~ Publilius Syrus (Promise nothing but the possibility of a hope of a promise. ~ T. Evans)
“One good word can warm three months.” ~ Japanese proverb (Two good words create a heatwave. ~ T. Evans)
“The only gift is a portion of thyself.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson (This is what Mike Tyson said to Evander Holyfield. ~ T. Evans)

And last, but not least ~~
“Nothing is more useful to a man more than to speak clearly.” ~ Phaedrus (“RERUHH!” ~ Gabby Johnson)