Since my gbs, I've become slightly lactose intolerant. This doesn't bother me, really, but it does place those in my vicinity in quite a precarious position, especially if I ingest large quantities of dairy products. Milk-based foods are pretty much my favourite and a day doesn't go by that I don't shove something that came out of a cow into my face. Lately, though, I've been aggressively craving dairy, particularly cheese. The main source of my protein for the past 48 hours has been Aunt Tudi's extra sharp cheddar cheese. The cheese goes in and noxious fumes come out. Aunt Tudi now has a permanent green hue around the edges of her person. Even the dogs, who thrive on gnarly aromas, are avoiding me with enthusiasm. The only discomfort I've suffered from all this is having to maintain a modicum of civility at work instead of letting it rip like the natural woodland beast I am. By the time 2 PM rolled around, I felt like an over-inflated balloon on the verge of being pricked by a needle. I came home and that was it. Aunt Tudi and the critters have been done for, but I can now breathe easy and am currently having my supper, which consists of a large chunk of cheese and a handful of vegetable crackers. It wouldn't surprise me if Dubya sent his brute squad to my house to beat me senseless for being a weapon of mass destruction. Or maybe Al Gore would send over a herd of environmentally concerned hippies to chide me for eating another hole in the ozone layer.
I need to wax my eyebrow. It's been April since I did anything with it and it has once again become my unibrow. A little bit of wax on the bridge of my nose and a stripe of wax underneath each side to give me that Elf arch should do the trick. It's just a matter of actually
doing it. If I don't soon, I'll be featured in the next Geico adverts, griping about how Cave
women are sheisted even more than Cave
men, and demanding a fresh plate of roast duck with mango salsa.
If my name had been Erin Brokovich, I would have adopted "Go" as my middle name.
Aunt Tudi taped a
Law & Order: Criminal Intent that guest-starred Joan Jett. Now that
Jeopardy is off, we're gonna watch that and, then, I'm crawling off to bed to gas myself into a stupour. Hopefully, I'll sleep better than I did last night, which sucked on the slumber front. If I could sleep as well at night as I do in the early morning, I'd be one well-rested and happy individual. Unfortunately, I don't. As soon as I really get into sleeping, it's time to get up and go to work. That's a sorry way to be, but such is life in the Insomnia Zone. Something tells me that I'm gonna sleep pretty good tonight.
To encourage sleep, I'm going to read some before turning out the light. I checked out the book
Hannibal by Thomas Harris from the library. I read it once before, back in 2001, on my way to NYC for the taping of
ELO on VH-1 Storytellers. I got so caught up in the book that I almost missed boarding the plane back home in Detroit. I was sitting right there at the gate and didn't even hear the announcement that boarding had commenced. They made the last call for boarding when I realised I had like five minutes to make it on board. Imagine my chagrin had I missed my flight home and had to explain that I had lost myself in a book about a serial killer and cannibal wooing an FBI agent. I still get embarrassed by the thought of it, seven years after the fact. So, anyway, I'm rereading the novel since I just recently read
Red Dragon and
The Silence of the Lambs.
I love these books and I adore the character of Hannibal Lecter; however, there's one thing about Harris' writing style that gets my goat. The man has issues when it comes to keeping the story in tense. One sentence will be in past tense, then the next will be in present tense. I'm thinking this is intentional, and probably done for stylistic purposes, but it's frustrating for a grammatical purist like myself to see a published writer play fast and loose with the language, not that I'm a shining beacon of the Queens English by long shot. It just torques me that Mr. Harris is a successful published author whose novels have been committed to film when it appears as if he can't string two proper sentences together and keep them in a coherent time frame. And here I am fretting over my wee tale, certain that it'll be rejected for not adhering to the modern moratorium on so-called purple prose. Gah.