tinhuvielartanis | More Things I Wonder (Reply)

I think about things like this. It plagues me so.

Why is it that, when one person in a family makes it big as an actor, everyone in that family suddenly gets a chance at the silver screen? Like Alec Baldwin and his brothers. Alec is a good actor and fairly good-looking, but his brothers are all crap actors and look like cyarn. They should never have been given the chance, but they were simply because Alec and made it big. It's ridiculous! Same goes for Jessica and Ashlee Simpson. Neither of them have any talent whatsoever, so Ashlee is riding on the coattails of her sister, who got where she is on absolutely no merit whatsoever! The mind, she does boggle mightily.

Some companies call their chocolate-covered cherries "cordial cherries." How do they know the cherries are cordial? And what exactly does a rude cherry taste like?

Who does the voice-over at the beginning of the Law & Order shows? Does he do anything else? Did he make the L&O blurbs from home over the phone?

Why the hell is it 60 degrees on 8 January? Why can't we have just one month of solid Winter weather? What god do I have to bribe to gets me some good cold inclement weather? The Heat Miser? The Cold Miser? Mother freakin' Nature Herself? Throw me a bone here.

Who coined the phrase "colder than a witch's tit"? And how would they know that all witch's tits are cold? Shouldn't this be designated as a politically incorrect phrase at which Witches nationwide should protest and perhaps even picket? Same goes for "colder than a well-digger's butt." How did whoever first used this phrase come to the conclusion that well-diggers' butts are cold? Was there a scientific study made during which people would feel of well-diggers' butts and make the necessary documentation?

And while I'm on the subject, how the hell did anyone come up with the phrase "tighter than Dick's hatband"? Who is Dick and why did he get to have his hatband immortalised by someone prone to comparative statements? And how tight was Dick's hatband anyway? Tight enough to cut off the circulation to Dick's scalp? Tight enough to give Dick a stroke? So tight that Dick couldn't get his hat on or, after he squeezed it on, he couldn't get the hat off?

Why did the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman look like they were moving in slow motion when they used their bionics? Weren't they supposed to be super-fast? Were the producers afraid that speeding up the film would make their heroes look like Keystone Cops?

Why do so many Italian men go from being gorgeous in their youth to being horrific in old age? Cases in point: Al Pacino and Frank Langella. Robert DeNiro, on the other hand, did the exact opposite. He wasn't much in youth but, now, he's a quite handsome older man.

Why do so many Christians who are deadset against abortion find it perfectly all right to murder thousands of people overseas because our government wants their oil and is prejudiced against Islam? Isn't that a double standard? When did their adage "turn the other cheek" come to mean the arse cheek as Christendom moons the world while chomping through everything with Pac-Man-like zeal?